I've been in and down and around the block with United Church of Two Harbors--the church where we've been active members ever since we moved to Two Harbors 11 years ago--but right now things seem better than they've ever been. I've taken a moment to ponder why that is. Turns out there are a couple of reasons.
A few months ago, my friend Julie (also a member at United) said, "We should have a sweetheart dinner fundraiser." It would be fun, support things like marriage and love, help raise funds for a celebratory event we are having in June, and be easily accomplished. A few of us said "That's a good idea!" An explanation to the Council (all "yes" people), and a meeting schedule, was all we needed to arrange food, decorations, music, and entertainment. The hardest part was convincing thrifty Two Harborites that this event was worth $25 and an entire evening of time. A month prior to the event, it looked like we wouldn't get the minimum number of tickets sold, and we considered cancelling. But Paula, our fearless Pastor, checked in with our music "gig"--a trio of high school senior boys. Sam, Jackson, and Thatcher were eminently talented, eager to perform, and already working on their songs. "We are NOT cancelling," declared Paula. No way was she going to let these boys down. Instead, she invested her own time and finances and inspired the rest of us to do the same.
So we got the tickets sold. The room was beautifully lit and twinkly. Casey had covered the decor and Mark was in the kitchen with the dishes. Dani had "rented" wine glasses from the thrift store and brought all her extra white lights. Paula remembered the candles and started the coffee. Julie, down with knee surgery at the final hour, was left home to sit and wait to hear. The food, prepared by a professional chef (who happened to be Julie's husband) was elegant and simple. Guests seemed tickled by the transformation of the church basement, by the service of their teen waitresses (Cedar and Lamar), decked in black and whisking salad plates, drinks, and coffee in and out. The music, however, stole the night--upgraded it to a concert dinner. They regaled us with two solid hours of performance. Dance music, singing music, background music. They were crowd pleasers with that sweet humor that only teenage boys can bring. I think it's safe to say they were discovered, and will not be soon forgotten.
I love United because it allows us to have a good idea, run with it, make a few mistakes, and see what happens. More often then not, we either leave it be or begin a new tradition.
The 2nd Story: Recently I overheard José Leon, another member of United (and father), ask one of my daughters if she would be interested in doing a video project with him. I instantly felt a rush of gratitude to José for reaching out to her in that casual way. I knew he would not be turned off or offended by her short answers. I knew he would not require something of her that she could not give. In this subtle way he let her know that she was still part of the team, whether she chooses to do this project or not.
And this is the quiet beauty of church involvement. There is simply no substitute for the rhythm of meeting each other approximately every 7th day, simply to be together in worship, year in and year out. One cannot stay a stranger at that rate. The one thing we have managed to do through these tumultuous teenage years is to keep going to church somewhat regularly. People at United have watched our daughters grow up, bit by bit. They know where they came from; they are not scared by their shyness, reticence, or lack of participation. They sincerely care about them. They trust that all is well and they never stop asking, "How are you doing? How's the cross country, how's the sailing, how's school?" It's that elusive quality of "community" that is so hard to define or pin down, though you know it when you see it. Against all odds, United has accomplished the unheard-of: re-engaging our teenage daughters into its mission, purpose, and rhythm without the help of any teenage peers.
So thank you to United--for continuing to smile at and love us through the years, for trusting our family to participate or not as we deem best, for finding the girls uses to perform that are valued and substantial. A church that isn't thrown or threatened by teenage needs, appearances, and changes, a church that loves teenagers and makes them laugh--will hang on to them.